Truth

And beyond the darkness, what I couldn't see, was the truth. The truth, which I later found out. Not from the woman who waited for me at home. But from a letter she left behind. She left. When she found that I had gone away. She shattered into pieces and left, before I came back. Before I could come back and stop her. Before I could tell her that I never hated her. I never wanted her to leave.

But she went away. Next morning when I returned, cold, feverish, I found the door open. And the house empty. In one way my prayer had been answered. I didn't have to face that woman. Ever. Again.

And I found this letter, or rather, a note, under the table lamp in my room.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. This was the worst way for things to happen. If only, I had told you all this before. Maybe, it wouldn't have had turn out this way. Needless to say, I won't return. And I'm sure you wouldn't care. Because I know you so well. Even though you are not my daughter. I know you so well. Because your mother was my sister. But go on and finish reading before you jump to conclusions.

No one destroyed our family. Your father, was a lecturer in the same college as me. And my sister, my elder sister, she too taught in the same college. She and your father, they were engaged to marry. They had you in September, 1986, and decided to marry in December. But before their marriage, she died. You were just some months old. Your father was devastated. And this is where i come in. I loved him. Your father. But I knew it was unrequited. So when my sister died and I saw him shatter down, my grief doubled. I loved sister very much and your father too. In the heat of the moment, I suggested marrying him, just to take care of you. And believe me, it was just that. After that, your father agreed to the marriage, for your sake. Maybe deep down he knew, that he wouldn't last long. And it turned out to be true. He started acting weird. His room looked like my sister's shrine. You saw it yourself. Your father, started living with those photos, refusing to come to terms with reality. By the time you turned three, you had started to look exactly like your mother. And this made him lose his mind. He wouldn't look at you. And then one day, he disappeared. Went away, leaving you with me.

Your mother, was a very strange person. She was three years elder to me. She was very beautiful. Just like you. And like you, she was detached. Separated by a veil from this world. You may have tried to hide it from me. But it was so obvious. You were just like your mother. As if deep inside, nothing matters. But for her, your father made a difference. It wasn't a very drastic change. But it was noticeable. She started to smile. And I saw fleeting expressions on her face.

Maybe I should have told you this, but when I looked at your face, it scared me. I thought, if I told you, you'd leave. So I hid it from you.

I don't know what to say anymore, dear. You have a job. You can look after yourself. I'm sure you'll manage.

I have made the fried rice. Its in the microwave. Seems like we were not all out of vinegar after all. There was some left in the cupboard. Sorry for making you go out pointlessly.

Take care of yourself.

Love,

Mother."

And now, I'm crying. Again.

The fried rice, lay in the microwave. Untouched. The day wore on. And night came. Just as that.

~ Angel